Easy to Run, Hard to Stay Gone
by GryffinPuffKL4
Summary: ON HIATUS FOR NOW! Rogue was going to get the cure but the words of her friends and two strangers stopped her. But with the fear of her skin, she had to leave her home at Xavier's Mansion. Wolverine wouldn't let her go without a fight though so he gets a hottie Cajun-Master Thief to track her down. But when Gambit finds Rogue, life will never be the same for either of them. Romy!
1. Prologue

**AN: New story! Romy this time! Enjoy!**

 **I do not own Marvel, the X-Men, or the X-Men movies**

 **(Italics=Rogue's conversations with her psyches)**

* * *

 ** _Easy to Run, Hard to Stay Gone_**

Prologue:

Dear Storm,

I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. You were more than my favorite teacher; you were also my friend. I'll always consider you one. You believed in me and you weren't afraid of me and you wanted me to be all I could be. You're the woman I've looked up to the most in my whole life and you've made me a better person…I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

I also want to thank you for what you said when I found out about the Cure because what you said is one of the only things that stopped me. I went to the clinic to get it but when I was about to step inside I heard what you said again and really listened this time. Usually it's Logan's voice that stops me from doing something stupid but this time it wasn't- this time it was yours. You're right; I don't need fixing no matter what. No matter how much it hurts, my mutation is who I am and it's my burden to bear.

I decided not to write a letter to Logan simply because I couldn't figure out what to say. He's my best friend and I owe him so much…I couldn't figure out how to say goodbye to someone like that. I hope you can tell him goodbye for me and also tell him I'm sorry and I love him. I always wanted to be strong like him but I never have been and I'm not sure I ever will be. And that's why I had to leave.

I didn't leave because of not being able to kiss my boyfriend or hug my friends. I didn't leave because of Jean's death, Scott's death, or even because of the Professor's death. I left because of how happy I was with you all. And I know that doesn't sound reasonable but it is. I can't be somewhere that makes me so happy that I think I can have a normal- or mutant version of normal- life with lots of friends and family. My gift doesn't want me to.

You were right; I can't change who I am and I shouldn't but that also means I can't forget what I am. My gift is the gift of a murderer, Storm. It wants to take life and gain power- that's its nature. And I won't let it. My gift may be that of a murderer but I never will be so the only option is to stay away and remember that who I am is a person meant to be alone. If I try to live a normal life I forget how dangerous I am. So I have to say goodbye.

Don't worry about me; I'll be alright and I have a plan. I was on the run for seven months, remember? I can do it again and this time there was someone who helped get me started so I'll be fine.

Tell Logan not to come after me. I know better than anyone how good a tracker he is- after all I have him in my head- but it won't work this time. Trust me on that: It Won't Work. I know he'll try anyway because that's who he is so just give him an "I told you so" for me when it doesn't pan-out, okay?

Please tell Bobby that I love him and I'll miss him every day and I'm sorry and tell everyone else that I love them and I'll miss them too. You were the best family I could have asked for and I won't forget any of you or what you've done for me.

Love always,

Rogue.

"Like hell it won't work." I look up from the letter to the snarling Wolverine. I sigh.

"Logan, she's eighteen years old- an adult- we can't make her stay here."

"Maybe not legally but that's never stopped me before."

"Don't you think maybe she'll just…come home on her own?" asks Kitty.

"It's very possible Kitty. If we don't _provoke her_ ," I add pointedly.

"'Very possible'? Jesus fucking Christ. Did you not just read that letter?! She's got some bullshit idea that she's gonna kill us all! Ya really think she'll come back _on her own_?!"

"Logan's right Storm," says Bobby sadly. "I know Rogue; if she has her mind set on something she thinks is important she won't change it. If she thinks she's a danger to the people she loves there's no way she'll stick around. She's stubborn like that…it's one of the things I love about her."

"Fine, but that doesn't mean you should go after her. She obviously doesn't want you to."

"So we're just going to abandon her like her parents did?!"

"Of course not, Bobby. We'll try to find her but we _won't_ make her come back. We'll do what we can to make sure she's alright but we can't force her into anything."

"Maybe 'we' won't, but I will," growls Logan.

"Logan, I said no. You promised me that you'd stay here and help out and be a part of the team. You promised _Charles_ that."

"And I'll keep my promise after I find Rogue."

" _She isn't sixteen anymore_ , Logan! She isn't a scared, starving teenager hiding in a trailer asking for help. She's an adult with a completed high school diploma and a good head on her shoulders."

"I don't give a fuck, Storm! We just lost Scooter, Chuck, and Jean _again_! I ain't gonna lose that girl too." I rub my forehead before answering.

"Fine. School starts again in three months. You have one and then you come back whether you find her or not. Deal?"

"We'll be back in a week." With that he leaves the room. The rest of us stare after him. Eventually Hank speaks up.

"You're thinking what I am, aren't you Ororo?" I nod and look at my friend.

"He won't find her."

"Why not? He's a feral, Storm. Who'd find her easier than him?" I smile sadly at Warren.

"It's like Rogue said; she's got him in her head."

…

(Rogue's POV)

I examine the woman in the mirror and wonder how long it will take to convince myself she's me. The short, straight, platinum blond hair and blue eyes are such a stark contrast to what I'd seen in the mirror for eighteen years. That coupled with being six inches shorter, having glasses, and wearing more business attire than jeans is odd. And seeing a thirty-five-year-old when I'm eighteen doesn't help the weirdness factor. Still, the strangest thing for me is when I talk. My voice is just so damn high and quiet. Maybe changing into so many people is how Mystique went psycho. Oh well; time to get to work.

Before heading out the door with my purse and laptop I take off the key hanging from around my neck and walk over to my desk drawer to get out what looks like the insulin things diabetics have. It's very convenient for my charade that the real Lisbeth Abrams actually _does_ have diabetes. No one questions why I carry these things around that way. Right before I give myself the first injection of the day _his_ voice comes up again.

 _"Don't do this Marie. I can't fucking find you this way!"_

 _"That's the point, Logan; you'll find me if I don't change my scent."_


	2. Chapter 1: Too Damn Honorable

**I do not own Marvel, X-Men, the X-Men movies, or any Christina Perri songs.**

Chapter 1: Too Damn Honorable

(Wolverine's POV)

"Drake. You find anything yet?" The kid sighs like he's just come back from a funeral. Rogue sure did a number on this guy.

"No; nothing. All we know is that she took out the money Professor X had put in the account he gave her but she cashed it all so we can't trace it. And we figured that out three weeks ago. I don't know what else to do Wolverine…she's gone."

"Has Half-Pint tried her real name?"

"Yeah- Marie Joy D'Ancanto hasn't popped up anywhere. Please tell me you're having more luck."

"'Fraid not. I don't know how but her scent is gone."

"You mean it faded?"

"I mean it's _gone_ , Icecube. I tracked it to Ohio and then it just stopped there. I don't get it- it's not possible to change your scent…"

"You don't think…you don't think she's _dead_ …do you?"

"Not a chance- I'd have found her if she was."

"Logan, you've got three days before you have to come back."

"I know. I've got one last plan, Kid."

"You just said you can't track her."

"I can't…but I know someone who might. I'll tell you how it pans out."

"Good luck." I hang up with Drake and call up the favor I've been saving. I get the Cajun's voicemail:

 _"Bonjour, you've reached the voicemail of Remy LeBeau. If this is a friend leave a message and I'll contact you as soon as possible. If this is a femme, just leave the address and I'll meet you there."_

I roll my eyes before leaving a message.

"Gumbo, its Logan. I'm calling in that favor."

…

(Gambit's POV- New Orleans, Louisiana)

"Gambit, I mean it this time!"

"Aw Chere-"

"-No! It's time for us to stop being stupid and get serious. I'm not saying we have to get engaged or anything but you're almost thirty-four and I'm twenty-nine. It's time for us to both stop sleeping with random people and be done with this on-off-again relationship one way or the other."

I sigh and look at my sometimes-girlfriend. I know she's right that I should at least try to have a serious relationship but I really don't want to. And not just with her but with anyone really. Still, Marla is a good girlfriend and if it doesn't work out we'll break-up and I'll go back to being a lovin' bachelor.

"Alright, chere. Remy promises we'll be exclusive." She smiles happily and wraps her arms around my waist.

"Thank you, Remy. I truly think this is the right thing." I nod; pretending to be as sure as she is. "Alright, I have to get to work but I'll see you tonight, okay?" I kiss and nibble on her neck gently and she laughs.

"Remy'll wait up," I say with a wink. She giggles again, kisses my cheek, and leaves for work. I look after her for a little while.

I don't love the fille and I don't particularly want to change how I've been living at the moment but Marla and I have been dating on-off for a few years and before that we were friends with benefits. I owe giving an exclusive relationship with her a shot. So why do I feel as if I'd just been shown the pits of hell?

Shaking my head at what's most likely just nerves; I walk back to my bedroom and take my phone off the side table. When I open it the name of a missed caller comes up and I smirk to myself. If he's calling to grab a drink I'll sing his praise. I listen to the voicemail he left. Just like the homme himself it's straight to the point;

 _"Gumbo, it's Logan. I'm calling in that favor."_ I sigh. I guess that drink will have to wait. I dial him back and he picks up right away.

"Long time, mon ami."

"Gumbo. That was faster than usual. Thought I'd have to wait till ya were finished banging today's girls." Insulted on behalf of both myself and the femmes I say,

"Gambit's never spent the day with more than one fille, mon ami. Unless you count spending the day with Mercy and Colette after waking up with a belle femme. And for your information, mon ami, Marla and Gambit just became exclusive." He gives a short laugh.

"For a week maybe. And your sister-in-law and niece don't count. Look, I need a favor."

"Remy gathered that when you said you were calling in your favor."

"Shut it, smart ass. This is serious." Something in his tone of voice makes me stop from commenting back; worry.

"D'accord, what do you need?"

"I need you to find someone. She's a friend of mine and she's missing." I raise an eyebrow.

"You're a feral and you need _me_ to track someone?"

"She's found some way to cover up or change her scent. I don't know how but she did it. She said in her letter me tryin' to find her wouldn't work but I don't know how the hell she got her hands on these kinds of resources when not even-"

"-Wait. Hold on, mon ami. She covered her tracks and _left a note_? It doesn't sound like your friend went _missing_ Logan; it sounds like she _left_ and doesn't want to be found. Why are you sending me after someone who wants to be left alone?"

"Because she's only eighteen and the kid's being an idiot!" I pause; thinking about what eighteen year old Logan would care enough about to use a favor he's been saving for ten years.

"Is this that girl you picked up in Canada and saved from Magneto deux years ago? The one that brought you to Stormy and the X-Men?"

"Yeah. Her name's Marie Joy D'Ancanto but she goes by Rogue. She went to get the cure but the rest of us had to leave to fight Magneto and the Phoenix before she got back. When we got back to the mansion a few days later she had packed everything up and left a note sayin' she didn't get the Cure but she left anyways. Some shit about how living with us was too dangerous 'cause she felt normal. I don't know what the fuck she's thinking with that bullshit."

I don't answer right away. Instead I think about what Logan had told me about Rogue. How her ability is dangerous and lethal, how it's uncontrollable and might always be, and how she'll most likely never have a normal relationship. I think about how Logan said he'd never met anyone so genuinely _good_ and sweet…how she almost killed _The Wolverine_ …and how Logan promised to protect her. I sigh. The girl's eighteen so legally- though granted that's not my area of expertise- she can do what she wants. In all honesty I can understand her reasons for leaving.

Logan doesn't like many people and trusts even less; it took a long while to get him to really trust me especially after he lost his memories. Yet he trusted this random teenager from the very beginning because even though he didn't need it she tried to help him- a stranger- when it could have put herself in danger. Logan started to care for her right away. All that speaks volumes about how noble, pure, and caring this girl with lethal powers is. And because of that she's willing to live without anyone she loves or who loves her just to keep them safe. I get why she did it but Logan's too damn stubborn to even think about it. He wants his little-sister-like-friend back and he won't listen to reason. Doesn't hurt to try though.

"Logan…"

"No. I know what you're going to say, Cajun- exactly what Storm said- and I don't give a fuck. She's not the dangerous, potential murderer she thinks she is and she's only eighteen."

"Gambit doesn't think she's a potential murderer but- like most of us- her power is dangerous. In her point of view accidents are just more likely with hers which is understandable. And considering how good a person you say she is, mon ami, it makes sense that she'd be willing to give up the people she loves if she thinks it's the best thing."

"No, Gumbo, it's not fucking understandable! She doesn't need to give us up or any of that other bullshit. She's not any more dangerous than I am and I'm not running the fuck away." Secretly, I don't think that that is a very good argument. But to Monsieur Claws I just say,

"Gambit's not saying she is; he's saying it makes sense that she _thinks_ she is."

"Look Cajun, it doesn't matter what the hell ya think. You owe me and I'm cashing in." I sigh. He's right; I've owed him a favor for a decade of our friendship so I can't refuse if this is what he's asking.

"You do realize that it could take months to a year to find the fille?"

"Don't fuck with me; I know how many resources the Thieves Guild has."

"True, but you said she has the means to change her scent, non? That means she's resourceful. Did she take out money in cash?" He doesn't answer so I take it as a yes. "That shows she's smart. When you're trying to hide even smart people make mistakes but if they're resourceful as well…they cover their tracks well. Gambit ain't saying he can't find her- just that it could take a long while. Is there really a point if it might take a year to find her?"

"I don't give a shit how long it takes. Just find her. After you find her and figure out how she left, where she is, and what she's doing, you won't owe me anymore." I shake my head.

"Fine. Gambit will start tomorrow. Send moi everything you have on her; photos, accounts, places she might have gone, places she'd never go, her school records- everything."

"Will do. Keep me updated." And with that he hangs up.

I close my phone and look out the window of my bedroom. This girl obviously doesn't want to be found but I owe Logan and he is my friend. Sometimes I'm too damn honorable.

…

(Rogue's POV)

(Anchorage, Alaska)

As soon as I walk into the lecture hall all my junior and senior students quiet down from their personal conversations. There's something so thrilling about teaching people older than you and getting such respect. Not that any of them actually know that. I set both my laptop and myself on my desk and put my purse on the floor. I've been told that for some reason I'm the only Doctoral professor who likes to sit on my desk. I guess I'm not always the best at being thirty-five when I'm really eighteen. I smile at everyone and clasp my hands on my lap.

"Good afternoon everyone. Before we get started on the article I _know_ you all read over the reoccurring debate of Darwin's theory," (there are a few "oh shit" expressions at that) "did any of you do anything fun over the weekend?" No one says anything. "Really? So I was the only one who watched reruns of Friends and Planet of the Apes? That's odd." There are several giggles and chuckles that get one guy in the second row to raise his hand. "Nicky?"

"I turned twenty-one on Saturday." There are a few "woot-woots" at that.

"Nice. Happy birthday." He nods. "Twenty-one's getting up there. Too bad I won't be legal for a few more years; I could use a few drinks while grading freshman tests." I never fails to amuse me how I can get classes to burst out laughing when I'm dead serious.

"If you're not legal, how old are you, Dr. Abrams?" asks Randall Kinley- one of the smarty-pants in the class.

"I just turned eighteen a few months ago. It's not all it's cracked up to be though." Again they laugh when I'm completely serious. I love how easy it is to mess with people nowadays. "Anything else fun happen this weekend?" No one answers. "Well you guys are lame." More giggles and chuckles. "Okay, okay. I get it- you're all being antisocial today. Or maybe you are all just very excited about Darwin like me.

"Now, I know you all have been hearing about Darwin since middle school but this is Evolutionary Biology and Darwin's ideas are crucial to every discussion we will have. So for those of you with the memory of a dementia patient let's have…Karla recap to you Darwin's theory of evolution." Karla- a sweet, shy girl- clears her throat and answers timidly.

"Um…Darwin theorized that every organism is, um, related from the same original first cell of life and that over time mutations, um, developed to create variation and the strongest variations were kept around."

"Good. Now tell me one of the points from the reading about Darwin that current scientists disagree with." After about fifteen seconds of no one answering I add, "I'll give you a hint: it has to do with the last part of Karla's answer." After a moment, a guy named Derek raises his hand and I nod to him.

"Darwin said that it's 'survival of the strongest' but scientists disagree. They say that something doesn't have to be the strongest, they have to be adaptive. If something is adaptive enough than it will survive."

"Exactly. Now logically that makes complete sense, right? If there's something every scientist can agree on- which I assure you does not happen often- it is that we had to start somewhere. And every organism is made up of cells so it makes perfect sense that we could have all started from the same cell and as long as something can adapt well enough to its environment it'll continue on. So my question is; why did I just say 'could have started' rather than that we 'did start' from the same cell. Why is there a debate going on with this?" A tall blond in the back raises her hand. "Yes, Mariah?"

"Creationism." I nod.

"That's one factor that was mentioned in the article. Now as this is a class that I'm sure has a diverse range of views on that I won't poke around it too much. I have no problem _discussing_ controversial issues however often times a subject like this becomes an argument rather than discussion which I am unwilling to do. If that's what you're looking for I'd advise you to take someone else's class. Still, give me one argument against Creationism. And I want the argument from the article- not opinions."

"Creationism can't be proven."

"Correct. But what I challenge you is this; can _evolution_ be proven?" Randall answers.

"Of course. There are thousands of studies supporting the theory of evolution including the one we read for class last week and for class today."

"True but I didn't ask if it was supported. I asked if it can be proven." A red-headed girl with blue eyes in the front row raises her hand. "Cecelia?"

"No; it can't. Nothing can be proven in science. We can increase the likelihood of a theory's validity but there's always possibility- no matter how unlikely- of errors or a new discovery that will debunk a previous one. If there's no falsifiability to an existing theory, it isn't scientific."

On the outside I just smile and nod but inside I'm jumping for joy that she got it right. Cecelia Smithson is my favorite student. I know teachers aren't supposed to have those but considering that technically I'm not even legally qualified to be a teacher in the first place, I figure it's not the worst thing I could do.

Cecelia is kind, smart, opinionated, a hard worker, and very classy. She reminds me of a mix between Storm and Kitty which I definitely wouldn't have thought was possible before. After the first day of class a month ago she came up to me and told me I was the most interesting teacher she had and every day after that she's come up and we've spoken on different theories, books, and a lot of other stuff. And just last week she requested to be my TA for next semester's freshman bio class.

"Exactly. You got it right on the head, Cecilia. Nothing in science is _proven_. I'll say it again and then you all say it; nothing in science is proven. You go." The class repeats me. "Good. If I ask a question in this class and you say the word 'proven' I will make you answer it differently. When it comes to science forget you have ever even heard the word 'proven'. And as for your end of the semester paper; every time you write the word proven I will drop you half a letter grade." The whole class looks at me as if I've just told them I could kill them with one touch. (In other words: the truth.) I hop off my desk.

"Look, I know you're thinking, 'What the hell, Lisbeth?' and you'll go home and tell your friends and family 'OMG, Dr. Abrams is like such an evil bitch.'" A few laughs go through the room at the Valley-Girl impersonation (i.e. Katherine Pryde). "But you are all scientists in this class. And as this is an upper-division course required for specific majors you're all going into a science profession. As such I can assure you that you will look like a three year old trying to play with the big kids if you don't get this concept right now. So, now that you've discovered I'm an evil bitch," (more laughs) "let's get back to the discussion. Other than Creationism what reasons are there that what Darwin theorized may not add up?"

"Well, Darwin said that we all came from one single cell that was unable to be broken down into smaller parts and still be a fully functioning organism but there are thousands of different organisms at the cellular level that can't be broken down anymore."

"Right, Jason. So what us Evolutionary Biologists ask then is, is that a _true_ argument against evolution?"

"No, it's not. The whole basis of life is that cells evolve and change, right? All that means is that the thousands of individual cells probably mutated from one."

"Precisely, Cecelia. Because that's the whole point of Darwin's theory- of evolution itself; every organism came about from being evolved and mutated." I glance at the clock.

"Okay. For the last twenty five minutes of class I want you to get into the groups I assigned you at the beginning of the semester. You will discuss how you can use the aspects of Darwin's theory and examples given in the article for your group project that is due in four weeks." People start moving right away but I stop them. "Before you do so I have one announcement. Now for those of you who remember the syllabus you already know this but I'll say it anyways. Evolution and mutation go hand-in-hand so even if you don't read the syllabus you can probably figure out that yes- we will be talking about current mutations. As in Human Mutants." There's a large amount of muttering at this.

"Hey, now; calm down. I know this is just as controversial as Creationism and I have the same rules for it; we talk science and facts- not opinions. And I won't give you my opinion on it either because I am not going to attempt to persuade you one way or the other. This isn't an ethics or current affairs class. I'd suggest talking to Dr. Roberts if that's what you're interested in. However, if you don't think you can come to class those days I won't hold it against you; just know you'll still be tested on it. Now get into groups and once again, if you have any questions or comments or just want to talk Darwin and Planet of the Apes" (a few giggles) "feel free to see me after class or in office hours."

With that I let the class get to work and I sit down in my actual seat and take out my laptop and the exams from my General Biology class. For the rest of the period while I let my students work I input grades into the university's site so that the students can see them. Twenty-five minutes later I stand and address the class.

"Alright; good work today. Next class we will start our discussion of Natural Selection which we will get much more detailed about and should last three or four classes. Make sure you keep up with the readings and once again, come see me or email me with any questions. Have a terrific day," I add with a smile.

Once I say that everyone starts packing up their materials and walking out of class with their friends. Most of them say goodbye to me as they pass my desk and walk out. Two students stay behind; Randall and Cecelia. Cecelia lets Randall come up to me first and I smile at him.

"Randall, what can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering how soon and how much we will be discussing Human Mutants." I lean against my desk and study him a moment before answering.

"Well as you most likely know, Human Mutants are tremendously more complex than cells, plants, and smaller animals. There are many things unknown about them even after all these years that we have known of their existence. Because of that we won't be talking about them until quite a bit further into the semester but we'll also study them for quite a while."

"Oh. Do you think if I go into biology as a career even if it isn't particularly evolutionary that I'll be required to work with Mutant aspects?"

"Absolutely. Depending on what it is you do it might be limited but it will be there at least some. We who study evolutionary biology are continuously discovering things about Human Mutants and probably the most highly verified findings is the amount of Mutants that exist or will exist. It has become very apparent that more and more humans are gaining mutations. In fact, my colleagues and I estimate that in the next twenty years forty to forty-five percent of the world's population will be Mutants. As such, anyone studying life will be effected and forced to coexist with Mutants. If your opinion of Human Mutants won't let you work easily with them I would suggest looking into a different potential occupation. Try physics. It's mostly theoretical so you'd be much less involved with the human population." Randall nods.

"Thank you, Dr. Abrams. That's very…informative." I smile at him warmly even though my insides are in knots. They do that whenever I'm in the presence of those who oppose Mutants…those who oppose me and my friends.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" He shakes his head.

"No that was it."

"Alright. Then I shall see you Wednesday." He smiles and says goodbye before walking away. I turn to Cecelia who steps up.

"So, what can I help you with? Or are you here to talk Edger Allen Poe again?" Cecelia bites her lip nervously and looks around the room before looking back at me. She leans in a bit and whispers,

"Um…do the security cameras hear things along with seeing them?" I frown and answer slowly. This is extremely odd.

"No…no they don't." Her face relaxes just a bit. "What's going on, Cecelia?"

"I…are you in support of Mutants?" I frown a bit more and purse my lips before answering her.

"Cecelia, I know that you and I have spoken about things other than class but as I said before, I'm not going to share my own opinion of the subject."

"But I need to know. Please. Look, I am in support of mutants. There. I told you my opinion so can you tell me yours?" I let out a breath slowly.

"Fine; yes I am. After studying them for so many years and meeting my fair share of them I have become quite supportive of Mutants. It would be incredibly difficult to do what I do if I wasn't. Now what is this all about?" Cecelia lets out a relieved breath.

"Thank God. If you weren't than I have no idea-" I put up a hand and stop her.

"Cecelia. Just tell me what this is about."

"Do you ever want kids?"

"I… _excuse me_?"

"Do you ever want kids?" she repeats; nervousness evident in her voice. I'm pretty sure this here is the very definition of "out of left field".

"I…I do but I don't ever see myself getting married so I don't really see children in the cards for me."

"You don't have to be married to have children. You could adopt."

"Yes but…where is this going? What's going on?"

"Do you think you could take care of a mutant child even though you aren't a mutant yourself?" I sigh; getting a little frustrated with the twenty questions.

"Yes. I've known many mutants of many ages so I believe I could. Now would you please tell me what the twenty questions are for?" Cecelia bites her lip again but this time her eyes also well up with tears. I look at her startled.

"I…I just found out that…I'm pregnant." At her words my shock triples. Cecelia doesn't have a boyfriend and is _not_ the type of girl who I would expect to have sex with someone she isn't dating. Apparently I was wrong.

"You…what?" I stutter out.

"I was so stupid. Over summer break my friends and I went and road tripped across the mainland states. And the week before we came back we were celebrating my twenty-first; I got drunk and slept with a guy. I know he was a mutant because he told me so and now a month and a week later I find out I'm pregnant. I can't have a baby, Ms. Abrams. My mom's the governor of Alaska, she's opposed to mutants, and I'm only twenty-one years old. I can't be pregnant let alone with a baby who could very well end up being a mutant. You're the only person I know who feels comfortable about mutants so I was just…I wanted to know if you'd be willing to adopt the baby?" I stare blankly at Cecelia- sure I couldn't have heard right. I close my eyes for a moment and shake my head.

"I'm sorry…did you just ask me to _take your baby_? Cecelia-"

"Look, I know this is ridiculously inappropriate but please. You want a child and you're old enough and responsible enough and financially secure enough to have one. I know you'd be a good parent- you're kind and smart and respectful of everyone and have good morals and views. And it's not like I'd just hand it over; we'd do it completely legal with you adopting him or her in a closed adoption. Ms. Abrams, I can't raise a child; I'm not even out of college yet."

 _"Yeah, and I just graduated from_ _high school_ _,"_ I think to myself. To her I say, "Cecelia…I don't think you know what you're asking. You might wake up one day and realize you want this child. Yes, I do want to be a mother one day but taking my student's baby isn't the way to do it."

"Why not? We'll be doing what's best for him or her. And as for wanting the child, I know I'm not ready for that responsibility. I would be an awful mother right now- I've never wanted kids in the first place- but you wouldn't. I don't have anyone who would help me- my parents would disown me if they found out- and I know you're not married or anything but you can afford day-care and stuff and you could take maternity leave. I couldn't do any of that." I don't say anything for a while and just think- which she lets me do. Well…actually I communicate.

 _"Rogue I think you should do it! Cecelia's right; you'd be a great mother and you'd help that child so much! And you shouldn't be all alone the way you are now."_

 _"That was the whole point of leaving, Kit; to be alone. I'm too dangerous to be around other people and I can't forget that. I can't be normal."_

 _"Right, because having a baby at nineteen while living thirty miles away from civilization and pretending to be a thirty-five year old doctor and teacher when you're really 18 will ever let you feel normal. Rogue, there is no way you would have any type of normal life by adding a son or daughter," adds Bobby._

 _"But I'm too dangerous! I won't be able to have skin contact with the child at all or-"_

 _"-So? Kid, you left us for completely bullshit reasons but don't force yourself to be alone. That's no way to live, Stripes."_

 _"They were not bullshit reasons, Logan."_

 _"Of course they weren't. You're a dangerous child whose only correct decision was leaving. You do deserve to be alone."_

 _"Shut the fuck up, Buckethead! Rogue is the best person anyone will ever know and there is no reason for her to isolate herself."_

 _"Stupid child. You have no idea what you are talking of; you're simply blinded by adolescent hormones."_

 _"No way; you're the idiot, Magneto. I don't know anyone who will be a better mother than our Rogue."_

 _"Please, Kitty! You've always been an idiot but do you honestly think an untouchable girl can be a mother?"_

 _"Shut it, Pyro."_

 _"Or what? You can't ice me in her head, Iceprick."_

 _"It's Iceman, you dumbshit. And-"_

 _"-How about we all be quiet and let Rogue decide? She'll be a great mother but it's her decision, not ours. Just because we're in her head doesn't mean we should think for her."_

 _"Thanks Pete…"_

I sigh. I do want to be a mom; always have. And I may only be eighteen in reality but I'm financially sound, know how to deal with mutant powers and kids in general, and could give plenty of attention to him or her. But…I'm dangerous. I can't touch. And yet…I'd only have to worry about one person and Bobby is right; there's no way I'll ever forget how dangerous I am with how I've built my life. I'm in hiding for goodness sakes. But then again…I left my friends and family to keep people safe. I look back at Cecelia whose face is hopeful.

"Cecelia…I have to think about this a while longer and so do you. You need to really think about if this is what you want."

"It is, I pro-"

"-No. I mean it. If I ended up adopting your child that isn't a decision either of us can take back. Take the week to _really_ weigh the pros and cons and I will do the same. Then come to my office hours and we'll discuss this again. Alright?" She nods.

"Alright."

"Good. Now have a good rest of your day, Cecelia." She smiles a little and nods.

"You too, Ms. Abrams."

…

As I start chopping the onions the first song that comes on makes me smile sardonically; The Lonely by Christina Perri. I start singing along:

"2am; where do I begin,

Crying off my face again.

The silent sound of loneliness

Wants to follow me to bed.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby.

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again.

Too afraid to go inside

For the pain of one more loveless night.

But the loneliness will stay with me

And hold me till I fall asleep.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby.

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again.

Broken pieces of

A barely breathing story

Where there once was love

Now there's only me and the lonely.

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again."

When the song's finished I stop dancing and go back to preparing my dinner. I ignore the next song that comes on even though it's one of my absolute favorites- Blackbird by The Beatles- and think about the song I just danced and sang to. It was one of those weird things that comes up in life at the exact right moment. Everything about that song is right. And I hate it.

I've made an okay life for myself here in Alaska alone. I have a nice home, I can do what I want, I like my students and all the work I do. But everything about my life is a life meant for someone else. The life I made is built around being Lisbeth and I'm okay with that for the most part because I love teaching. But…I'm afraid that one day I won't just be pretending to be Lisbeth; I'll _be_ her. I'm afraid I'll wake up one day having forgotten who I am; forgotten Rogue.

The song is right; I'm alone and a shell of myself in this life I've made. And eventually that loneliness and fakeness will be all I have. I knew what I was doing when I left and I stand by my decision…but I didn't know what being alone forever would mean. I thought that it would be fine; that I could stay me even when nothing about my life is _my_ life.

The real Lisbeth Abrams never minded being alone; she was an introvert by both nature and experience. She was an orphaned only child whose foster parents died and whose long-term partner just recently died too. She had two good friends, a few acquaintances, and colleagues who were only ever that. She dedicated herself to school and research. She's thirty-two and she's only ever dated two people in her whole life. She's a loner and she doesn't mind being one.

Rogue is not like that. According to all of Caldecott County, Mississippi I've always been a "social butterfly". My mother used to say I was making friends and giving hugs before I was born. I always knew everyone and I could tell you their name, birthday, favorite song, and all the members of their family. I was always giving hugs and kisses to people, calling everyone "sugar" and "hon" and "sweetie". Even when I ran away and hitchhiked to Canada I was always making conversation with strangers and getting smiles and laughs. It's a cruel world when the girl who hates being alone has to be and the one who likes it doesn't.

Maybe… _maybe_ I could find a way to take Cecelia up on her offer if it's what she really, truly wants. Maybe I could find a way to make a life with someone besides myself.

After all, two isn't a crowd.


End file.
